Thursday, November 01, 2007

The Older I Get

I am a grown-up. There is a big part of me that just hasn't really accepted this idea.

I understand...
I have a job
I work hard
I have a house
I clean (naked)
I have a church, I love.

I just still feel like I still have so much growing up to do. I can't get over this idea that I'm waiting on the next thing and I struggle with settling down, but it is getting easier. I tend to take a long time to make decisions that really matter. I know everyone isn't like this, I hear about people dating for two months and getting engaged. I'm not downing that or saying negative things, but in my mind, I can't understand it. I need time, data, information, points of reference, situational experience. We always deal with decisions, but it seems like as we get older, the decisions and choices get tougher and deeper. They have bigger consequences. I struggle with this idea that maybe I don't trust God as much as I think or profess that I do. Maybe people that make quick decisions know more. I feel like I'm going to miss something somewhere in my process of trying to "figure." Man I love to figure. I love to open spreadsheets and figure costs, I love to watch planes get jacked up on the runway and figure out how they back them up so quickly. I like to figure out how these ladies on these planes are going to get their big honkin bags in the overhead bin. They always do.

I have been hanging out with people a lot lately and really talking about life. This has helped me a lot to discuss deep things with people around me and share struggles and success. I'm pretty good at masking sometimes and I hate it. A friend asked me today if I read my Bible today, I told him no. I thanked him for encouraging me.

It's about 11:30 and I have been flying all over the place today and I am beat, babbling, and probably not making sense at this point. I hope to start flying lessons as soon as I save up enough pennies, so be on the lookout :)

God has blessed me. Amen!

1 comment:

GE is me said...

Justin, Hopefully this will encourage you. I'm going to try & give you the short (ok, medium) version of my marriage/life.
Always thought I'd be married by 23, start a family by 25, be done making fam. by 30 & continue to live happily ever after. YEAH RIGHT!! It is okay to analyze. But I also have to believe that you have enough of a relationship with the Lord, that if he said, "Justin, this is the woman I have for you." You'd be like Wow, okay. No problem.
I dated this guy for 4 years- I loved him! He asked me to marry him on Dec. 16, said yes, set date next May. Planned wedding, sent invites, etc. et al. One month before the wedding he told me he wouldn't marry me without a pre-nup. I said, this is not of God, so I guess we are not getting married. I was absolutely devastated.
Fast forward, 1 year later. A friend & I always had chemistry. I asked God to confirm in a very specific way. He did. Now almost 4 years later & twins I have an absolutely wonderful husband. I didn't get married until I was almost 38 years old.
You are barely 30(if even- does the age change on a profile?)
With God ALL THINGS are possible.
You have a great head on your shoulders. I still struggle with the fact that I am suppose to be "a responsible adult"
Just remember after all of your figuring- Prov. 3:5-6
I think it is one of those things, you know that you know that you know.
-God Bless & don't stop seeking Him.